As I packed my bags for the Army
My father said I became a man today 
Like merciless, mass murder makes me  
Any more of a man than the thing that's between my legs
My wife asked me to return to her the same way I left
She’s seen men transform into vehicles of war after they rolled out 
My mother tells me tales from the news 
The news shows shell-shocked soldiers singing cadences 
Shouldering the sins of what they’ve seen 

Mother, what do you think I do now? 
They sing cadences used as carriages carrying their worries
I use self-scarring stories as bandages for those who are still bleeding 
I be boy, born with a Purple Heart received from stolen valor 
Because my war wasn’t the loudest in the room 
They be hounds, disciplined dogs 
Who will lay their lives on the line so their homes won’t know hunger

I was meant to be Martyr
Had thoughts of joining the 80% of withering willed warriors 
Who lost their battle to their burdens 
And my god complex started calling me Lazarus 
Said if I fall at least I will leave a legacy of being god’s strongest 
If I’m still standing then I join the 16% of those 
Who were labeled post traumatic
Maybe then the scars I received before being deployed 
Will finally be respected

I want to be congratulated by my father
Earn his love, compare the open wounds 
Our passed down pride won’t let us get treated 
I pray my son does not become me
Be caught in crossfire of who he should be and 
Who he dreams of becoming 
Won’t be a friendly face turned falling flowers 
In front of grim gravestones 
Pray my dark demons don’t descend upon him 

My battles are all fought 
I get to go home 
My sister’s grief is the first to greet me 
Reminds me I was not the only one at war
I won mine, my brother didn’t