God Forgives, I Don’t  

How many times have we listened to speeches and lectures? 

Read quotes and gestures,

Turned rhythm into blues with notes of the same ode

Biblically old

Audacious and bold

Trying to call to your soul like spiritual hymns

Willing you to forgive him

To forgive her

For their “mistake”…

Because somehow it’s for my own good?

And occasionally, that maybe true

But mostly, I wish I would

Allow you access to more of my gracious gifts to rob

What you can do is get cut by this side eye

You can listen as my once sweet words turn into direct disses

No subliminals

No tiptoeing around my feelings like broken dishes 

Let’s break some more

You can feel coldness where there was once warmth

See darkness where there was once light

And experience curses in place of uplifting prayers,

My Anger has layers

And I find solace in it.

It’s the part of me that comes to my defense

It lets me know that it’s time to protect myself

To match disrespect 

And be unapologetic in my choices, 

No matter the judge and jury

I am the author of my own story.

When I say traditional forgiveness can kick rocks in Jesus sandals

Don’t look at me wide eyed

Ready to preach the word of god 

Because I’m prepared to talk about it.

We can get into the floods and the plagues

And how Jesus and Lucifer are both referred to as the Morning-Star 

But I can sense someone clutching their pearls like I’ve gone too far

So I’ll just say this

I don’t ask myself “What Would Jesus Do?”

I am another bad creation

I am made to do what I would do

So, when they go low, I will go lower

When they throw rocks, I will throw boulders

You came to disturb my peace

And I mean to reclaim it by any means necessary 

Your feelings are now secondary

I will gift wrap my tantrums and present them to you

As I swim through my grief

Because that is how I reclaim my peace

Self-redemption is the only path I see

The only way to it is through me 

Far be it for my soul to ache through the night,

Crying you a river of forgiveness to be baptized in,

Cleansing yourself of sins against me

Robbing me of my energy

Trying to break my Inner G

As I acquire emotional war scars from cracks and bruises on my heart, hurt And pain from betrayal

and abandonment, the depths of depression and friendships in question

I wield my darkness like a weapon

But my light cannot be snuffed out,

So still I rise like the OG Maya,

Like the Phenomenal Woman that I am,

Like the God gene flowing up my veins,

Tapping my third eye until I remember my identity…

And each time I’ve shed enough tears to drown in and yet survived

I remember this…

Like beings, create like beings in their image,

So God is within me & I am She,

Goddess.

I come in love & light

But invoke my wrath at your own risk

I serve vengeance with a chef’s kiss

Your inner God may forgive,

I don’t